Fernando Torres has failed to score for Chelsea in 693 minutes of football

I’ve scored as many goals for Chelsea as Fernando Torres

Fernando Torres has failed to score for Chelsea in 693 minutes of football

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It’s funny, there’s no denying it. It is very very funny. Fernando Torres’ failure in front of goal for Chelsea is up there with Newcastle’s relegation in 2009 and Derby County’s embarrassing total of 11 points (with a staggering -69 goal difference!) in 2007-08. It’s not that I have anything against Torres – he’s shown in the past that he has it in his locker to be a class number 9 – you just have to enjoy seeing Chelsea fail after going to such great lengths to buy success. 12 games, 701 minutes and no goals. If only Petr Cech could manage that.

Offloading Torres and bringing in Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez was a cracking piece of business by Liverpool. The Reds will be glad to be winning on a transfer for a change, with Rafa Benitez outrageously wasting £200 million in recent seasons – Liverpool fans will certainly remember being pantsed by Spurs over the sale and buy back of Robbie Keane. While Chelsea fans can’t argue with the money that their owner has invested on players, Roman Abramovich has done a wonderful job of proving the great Brian Clough right in his view on directors and their incredible lack of football knowledge. £50 million for Fernando Torres, fit or not, scoring goals or not, is frankly a joke, one that Liverpool fans will be loving.

And it’s not just the Liverpool supporters who are laughing – the Facebook page ‘I’ve scored the same number of goals for Chelsea as Fernando Torres’ is close to 150,000 “likes”, although I’m not sure Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka are seeing the funny side. Drog has got to be one of the top 3 strikers in the world and it was just beginning to work for Chelsea again with Florent Malouda and Anelka alongside the Ivorian. Now they are being forced to take it in turns to warm to bench so Torres can fluff his lines in front of goal.

It has to be worrying for Abramovich to have spent so much on a striker and Phil Neville is proving himself to be more potent in front of goal. The good news for Torres is that he’s bound to start banging the goals in now that I’ve said that Chelsea might as well stick me up top. Or spend £20 million on Nicklas Bendtner! Anyway, keep it up Fernando, we’re all loving it. £50 million, 12 games: 0 goals. Gracias mate!