Scrap relegation? Why not appoint Steve McClaren as England manager while you’re at it?

The LMA chief executive must’ve thought April Fools’ Day had been moved

In the words of John McEnroe, you cannot be serious. Even Derby County probably wouldn’t have wanted relegation to be abolished during their miserable 2007-08 campaign. While the relegated clubs must miss the money that comes with top flight football, surely it can’t be much fun getting turned over 6-0 every week?

Suggesting that relegation should be scrapped is absurd. Suggesting suggesting it would be unbelievable. If you’re going to relieve clubs of the pressure of relegation, it goes without saying that the league becomes meaningless. If there’s no relegation, why should there be European football? Why even play for points at all? Premiership clubs could play 38 friendlies a season. And since it means nothing, why should Newcastle United be forced to travel down to London four or five times a season? They could play Sunderland every week and make Barclays Premier League derbies as exciting as the Old Firm games.

The entire notion of abolishing relegation or promotion is more deranged than the idea of Tony Pulis as a tactician. The powers that be ought to put the kibosh on this one immediately, while whoever suggested it ought to be banned from voicing anything approximating an opinion on football for a lengthy period and fined heavily for such an incredibly ill-conceived goof. But all this goes without saying of course. You shouldn’t have tell someone not to wear a Manchester United shirt in Anfield’s Kop, nor should you have to rant about the prospect of dispensing with relegation.

Rant over.